Chapters 12 - 13 added on 14 June 2002
Disclaimers are in part 1.
Rating: NC17
Chapter 12
Seven of Nine spent the next day arranging her new quarters to her liking. It really was a simple task that should not have taken quite so long, but she was interrupted often by visitors. It took her hours to accomplish the simple tasks of putting things away and assembling the most pleasing and efficient layout for all of her items. Then someone would come by and almost everyone came bearing a gift of some sort, and then she would spend another period of time rearranging everything into a new efficient design. It was actually beginning to aggravate her.
In the morning, Naomi came by with her mother before her mother's shift. The small half-Ktarian brought a kadis-kot board. She was honestly touched by the child's gift and happily consented to play a game immediately after getting Ensign Wildman's consent and promising to drop her off at her studies.
When the Doctor realized where Naomi was, he asked if he could just come by and pick her up himself. It turned out that he really wanted to see her new quarters and bring a gift himself. He left her with manuscript paper in case she wanted to write any songs, and he double checked her alcoves. It was a quite unnecessary inspection, but he insisted that he knew what was best for her health. She thought he was just being nosey and wanted to see what her bedroom looked like.
She played her guitar for a while after that. It had been her first opportunity to play and sing since she had moved in, and she was quite pleased by the acoustics of the room compared to the Cargo Bay. She had become thoroughly engaged in a new song she was learning when the door chime interrupted her again.
This time it was the Captain, and she came bearing a dozen white roses in a crystal vase as well as a book of poetry. They talked for a while, and Seven even learned how to replicate the coffee that Janeway so enjoyed. The Captain had heard her singing before she entered, so, after much coaxing, the Borg capitulated and sang an old jazz tune for the redhead. Amazingly enough, Janeway was true to her word and never once brought up any work issues. The older woman left a half hour later when her lunch time was over, but only after she got a promise for a Velocity match the next day.
The afternoon was much the same, with eight more visitors before Alpha shift was even over. The most pleasing part of all the visits was the simple fact that Seven had come to realize that she did have friends. She had even apparently made a good impression on the Gamma shift engineering crew because there were several well wishers from that department alone, and they had all chipped in together to replicate a set of non-standard sheets and towels. It was Johnson, the big burly ensign teased with the nickname 'Neanderthal', that was the one who brought them. He told her with a big blush that the Starfleet issue sheets and towels were too rough and that 'everyone deserves soft towels'.
After alpha shift was over, she got a visit from both of Voyager's Vulcan. Vorik brought a set of meditation oils and incense, and a kal-tow board. Tuvok came by moments after Vorik left and brought with him a traditional oil lamp and a book of katra exercises. She felt honored that each man had made such efforts to demonstrate their friendship. It was indeed rare for a Vulcan to make friends with humans, and she considered their visits the greatest of compliments.
Tuvok was just leaving when B'Elanna walked up to the door. As they passed each other he dipped his head in acknowledgement. Seven saw the smaller woman and smiled. She stepped back from the door allowing the brunette to pass through, and said "I have missed you, jonwI," then pulled her into a hug.
B'Elanna just let herself fall into the embrace. She had spent too much time worrying over Chakotay's remarks yesterday, and by the time she had gotten back from the Nguener ship and gotten a proposal together, the Borg had already been regenerating. She had been disappointed to see Seven as listed off-duty that morning, so she couldn't even see her to discuss what she had learned before heading back out to the other ship with her crew. She leaned up slightly and kissed the blonde softly. "I've missed you too, Annika."
Letting go of the smaller woman, Seven strode over to the replicator and ordered up a cup of raktajino that she knew B'Elanna favored after she had gotten off shift. B'Elanna, meanwhile, looked around the room, amazed at the overnight transformation. The blonde had made her quarters feel quite homey even if things were very sparse. Of course, the Klingon favored order herself in her own living area, even if she was messy in the ensuite. When her eyes fell on the two dozen roses on the table though, her heart fell.
"Wow, Annika. Who are all the roses from?" she asked casually. Her mind was in turmoil, though. She kept chanting 'don't say the Captain' over and over in her head.
"Harry brought some last night, then Kathryn brought some today," Seven answered guilelessly. "Apparently, it is considered a way to 'brighten up a place' by many humans." She smiled, and delivered the steaming coffee drink to the smaller woman, sitting down beside her.
B'Elanna assumed the red roses were from Janeway, of course, and was internally howling. She couldn't understand what possessed her to believe she could trust the Starfleet Captain. She didn't mean to let her annoyance show on her face, or to let a small growl escape from her chest.
Seven heard the growl, though, and studied B'Elanna's face intently. "B'Elanna? What is wrong? Why are you angry?" Seven was frightened because she believed she had done something to anger the Klingon, and honestly had no idea what it could be.
"I just don't trust Janeway. Why would she bring you flowers Seven, except to lead you on? She shouldn't even be allowed near you anymore after what she did." B'Elanna was growing angrier by the second and had leapt off the couch to pace the room.
"I told you," Seven started, confused by all this anger. "She said it would brighten up the place. I also believe that I should be the judge of who can and cannot come near me, B'Elanna. She has explained her behavior to me and I have forgiven her. We have decided to continue our relationship as friends now."
"How can you be so naïve Annika?" the brunette rounded on her. "I, for one, don't trust her!"
Seven was getting angry herself now. "How can you insist that I trust you and forgive you after years of calling me names and not forgive her for her mistake?"
"That's different and you know it!" B'Elanna shot back.
"I fail to see the difference," the blonde stated. She had stood up by now and had her arms behind her in her old Borg stance. Her inflections had cooled and she had bottled all of her raging emotions behind a icy mask. "You are in error B'Elanna Torres."
"Kahless Seven! She used you then threw you away. What could she possibly say to explain that?" B'Elanna pleaded with her, trying to get her to see what she believed the Captain was like.
"I cannot tell you. She asked for my confidence on the matter and I will respect that," the blonde responded.
"Well, isn't that convenient," the half-Klingon snorted.
"It would not matter to you if you trusted me and my own judgment," the Borg pointed out. "Do you not trust me?"
"Yes, I trust you, Seven! I just-" she answered but was cut off by the blonde's fingers on her lips.
"Then that should be enough," Seven said softly. She stayed in that position for a moment, letting her fingers trace the soft lips and then the fine cheek. B'Elanna responded by leaning her cheek into Seven's palm.
The smaller woman's anger was fading into more confusion. She pushed it to the back of her mind, not wanting to argue anymore. They stood there looking into each other's eyes, then slowly moved together into an embrace. Each was lost in thought of how much they had come to cherish the other, and how frightening it would be to lose the other, but neither seemed equipped to start that discussion.
After long minutes in the embrace, Seven finally prompted B'Elanna to tell her about her day on the Nguener ship. With a convenient excuse to ignore her fears of saying three simple words, B'Elanna tried to forget her desire to tell Seven her feelings and her fear of the very same thing by rambling on about everything she encountered in her day and a half aboard the Necessity.
Not long after starting her story, she pulled out a PADD to show Seven the design on the Nguener's dilithium chamber. They were about to begin discussing whether or not it would be possible to implement the design or modify it to Voyager's needs when B'Elanna's stomach announced it's displeasure at not being fed. This, of course, led to Seven grilling the lieutenant about her eating habits and dragging her laughing out the door to the mess hall.
~~~~~
When the two arrived in the mess hall, B'Elanna noticed a lot of people picking at their plates. Looking over to Neelix's serving area she noticed that nobody was in line. Usually, this was a very bad sign.
"You know what Annika, I suddenly lost my appetite," the engineer said before Seven could approach Neelix. Unfortunately, her stomach chose that moment to growl again.
The blonde turned her head and canted an eyebrow curiously. "I find it difficult to believe that you are not hungry."
"Fine," B'Elanna grunted. "But you don't have to eat that…" She examined the pot nearest to them, which contained a gelatinous purple mixture with floating brown chunks. "I think I'll have whatever you are having tonight. A liquid supplement sounds so much better than whatever that used to be." The brunette shuddered. "Actually, a ration bar sounds better than that."
The blonde smirked. "I will program a supplement for each of us then. You may find us a table."
The hybrid went off in search of a table, trying to find one as far away as possible from the noxious fumes of Neelix's meal. She sat down, not having to wait long before Seven approached with a tray in her hand. The blonde lay a plate of chicken, rice and bread in front of her and a prune juice to drink. She had an identical plate, but with water to drink.
B'Elanna raised her eyebrow and smiled. "Well, when I said I'd have what you were having I expected to have to drink my meal. But, I am certainly not complaining. I didn't realize you ate solid foods." She dug into her chicken and noticed a distinct lemon taste.
"Of course I can. I am sensitive to some ingredients and cannot consume large amounts of solid nutrition, but I am able to digest most of the same food as the rest of the crew. I just find the supplements to be more efficient. Also, if Neelix doesn't realize how much I can eat, I will not have to hurt his feelings by refusing his 'food'." The blonde answered before daintily eating some rice.
The Captain entered the messhall, appraising who was present. She often used this time of night to communicate with officers she didn't see on a regular basis, and she made a small circuit through part of the seating area before heading over to Neelix's domain. Cringing at the unappetizing display she decided a cover story would be necessary.
"Oh Captain! How delightful to see you! Are you ready to try my nitlik soup?" Neelix beamed at the Captain.
"No, thank you, Neelix, I already ate in my quarters," she answered. She had decided since she would be eating in her quarters later it wasn't too bad of a lie. She smiled at him diplomatically. "But, I would love a cup of coffee."
As he was retrieving the requested beverage, she turned and completed her survey of the area. She noticed Seven and B'Elanna sitting alone together. When she saw Lt. Carey join them she decided this might be a fortuitous time to show B'Elanna that there were no hard feelings. She wanted to show the two women her support and friendship in a neutral way. As Carey had joined them, he gave her a convenient excuse, since she also wanted to congratulate him for finishing his physical therapy.
As she approached the table she heard the hybrid ask Carey when he would be getting back to work. He was just responding that he was more than ready, that he just needed to get the Captain's permission when she cleared her throat. "Mind if I join the party?" She asked with a smile.
With Seven and Carey both smiling at the Captain, B'Elanna wasn't about to refuse. Stifling a strong urge to growl, B'Elanna just nodded. The redhead took a seat next to Carey and smiled at the man.
"I received a report from the Doctor that you have completed your physical therapy. He has released you for duty. I'd like you to start back on Gamma shift for now. Would it be possible for you to start tonight?" She asked, knowing the answer from his previous lament.
"Yes, Captain," he beamed. "I am more than ready to get back to work. As much as we all complain about needing time off, being forced to do nothing for weeks on end is not my idea of fun."
The redhead smiled at him amiably. "B'Elanna, remind him of this conversation the next time he feels overworked," she quipped and grinned at the two engineers. B'Elanna couldn't stop the amused snort. "Seven, I want you to work with Carey through all of Gamma until he feels back at home. After that, we'll get you back to alpha shift and Astrometrics." She would be happy to have the blonde back in Astrometrics. Jennifer Delaney was a fine officer, but no ordinary human was as fast or precise with a star chart as Seven.
Janeway examined the women's plates and then raised her brow at Seven. "So I see you still take the pepper out."
"Indeed," Seven answered with a small shudder. B'Elanna raised curious eyebrows first at Seven, then the Captain.
"That's really supposed to be lemon and pepper chicken, B'Elanna. The first time I made it for her, I didn't realize that pepper would be a little strong for her." She snickered. "Unfortunately, I enjoy a liberal amount of pepper on this dish. Let's just say we discovered that her tear glands really worked that night. Now she won't even try a little pepper on it."
Seven looked at little disgusted at the memory. The engineers just laughed gently. B'Elanna thought it explained the recipe; she had thought it could use a little pepper herself.
"I have discovered many bodily functions with your cooking," the blonde said pointedly, teasing the redhead. Both of the engineers tried to cover up their laughter, but neither was particularly successful. The Captain just narrowed her eyes in false anger.
"Watch it or I'll make you all eat my pot roast!" Janeway declared. B'Elanna stopped laughing and her eyes got big; Janeway's pot roast was a legendary culinary disaster.
Seven decided to further torque the redhead. "I am still contemplating public displays of groveling."
"Touché, Annika! I didn't realize manipulation was a Borg skill," the captain answered while holding a hand over her heart, feigning injury.
"It is not. I acquired it on Voyager observing you," the blonde smirked.
"Ouch," Kathryn responded wryly. "Lieutenants, this is one of those situations you learned about it the Academy: strategic retreat. If you will excuse me, I think I'll leave before I lose my undefeated streak with the Borg." She grinned rakishly as she stood. She laid a gentle hand on Carey's shoulder. "I am happy to see you back," she told the man then nodded at B'Elanna and Seven. "Ladies, good night."
After the Captain left, Carey slapped Seven gently on the shoulder affectionately. "Only you could get away with that, Seven. But thank you so much for letting me watch. I love to see our Captain lose the command mask now and again. You seem to be the only one who can always get her to be a woman for a while." He smiled. "So, I guess you're stuck babysitting me for a little while. I have been reading the reports though, so it probably won't take me that long to get caught up on all the changes that were made while the Doc was torturing me."
Seven and Carey began discussing the deflector array cloak specifications, while B'Elanna got lost in thought. Carey's comment really hit her hard. Reflecting over the short visit by the captain, she realized that both women truly were at ease in each other's company again. Chakotay's comments from the day before edged back into her mind again.
Later, Carey pulled her out her reverie. "B'Elanna? You ok?"
She didn't realize that her mood was reflected on her face, so she feigned exhaustion. "Yeah. I think the long day has just caught up with me. Would you two mind if I called it a night?" she asked as she stood with her plate in hand.
"No, Chief. Go ahead. We'll see you in the morning." Carey answered.
Seven wanted to spend more time with B'Elanna, but could see that she wanted time alone. Not knowing how to handle the situation she decided just to be patient and follow the brunette's lead. "Goodnight, jonwI. Quch."
B'Elanna smiled slightly and then left the two alone. Recycling her plate, she left the messhall, heading for her quarters. She was so lost in thought she couldn't remember her journey when she found herself standing next to her bed. Exhausted from her confusion and emotions, she stripped and fell into bed, tossing and turning until she achieved an uneasy sleep.
~~~~~
Captain's Log
We are in our third day of escorting the Nguener vessel back to their home world. Lt. Torres has assured me that her teams will be able to complete their repairs by 1400. Her report indicated that she had an interest in bringing the Nguener Chief Engineer over on a visit to Voyager once the repairs were complete. Apparently she has an interest in their ability to use dilithium more efficiently, as well as wanting to see what his thoughts are on implementing further cloaking technology on our ship. It isn't often that another engineer impresses my Klingon Chief Engineer so easily, so I have agreed to the visits. I have also decided that it would be worth our while to visit the Nguener home-world. First Marshal Ferzi and I have visited each other twice now, once on each ship. He is a fascinating man, and their culture seems most remarkable. Despite all of the strife which has befallen their culture, they are determined to hold to their ideals as a race. Maybe even more so since the Borg attack which nearly eradicated their species. When I told him about our resident Borg he was amazed and wanted to meet her right away. I gladly brought him to Astrometrics, and was pleasantly surprised by his interaction with Seven. I am glad to know that there are other Captains who would risk their ships to rescue one of their own from the Borg. Seven was obviously uncomfortable in his presence at first, but he assured her he held no animosity for her past, and that she would be as welcome on their home-world as any other member of our crew, if not more so simply because she would represent hope. Hope that one day even one of their people could be returned, no matter how small the chance. Bless her heart, Seven just couldn't process this kind of positive reaction very well, and fell back on her stoic mannerisms, but I could see she was deeply touched.
It will take us four day's journey to reach their planet. The First Marshall has been in contact with his government, and they are very interested in trade with Voyager. Since their society is still rebuilding, there are many unexploited resources on their planet that we could probably use easily. They also assure us that we can trade for dilithium and some heavier metals. We would have to mine the metals and crystals ourselves in order to not tax their established mining facilities, but Ferzi has pointed out entire unused regions that would be suitable. In exchange they want scientific, medical and astrometric data. Apparently Seven was correct in her reasoning about why the Borg had not discovered the hidden Nguener. Many of their greatest minds that had been left behind sacrificed themselves to save the remainder of their race. That is not to say they do not have scientists left, but they are as equally spread thin as all other types of workers on the planet.
Chakotay has been in an anthropologist's nirvana while studying their culture. He has spent much time aboard Necessity and has been exchanging data crystals about Federation and Nguener history with their equivalent of a historian on board, who is actually a security guard most of the journey.
I look forward to reaching their home-world, and if everything is as it has been presented to be, I believe I will even negotiate for shore leave on the planet. I believe that with some of Voyager's resources pitching in while we rotate leaves, we could benefit an injured race while gaining always welcome downtime. Let's hope things are what they seem. I, for one, love a mutually beneficial deal.
End Captain's Log
~~~~~
B'Elanna returned to Voyager at 1330 hours with the last of her engineer teams. The repairs to the Nguener ship had been successful. Her crew had been treated like royalty while they were there, so she suspected there would be some grumbling about getting back to work here.
The engineer decided to take her lunch break, as she hadn't stopped for anything since that morning. Seven had worked the entire Gamma shift, assisting Carey on his first day back, so the blonde was off. B'Elanna hit her comm. badge to hail her to invite her to eat together in the mess hall.
"There is a privacy seal for this crewman." the placid tones of the computer reported.
"Computer, where is Seven of Nine?"
"Seven of Nine is in her quarters" the computer answered.
"Is she active?"
"Negative, Seven of Nine is stationary in her bedroom."
B'Elanna sighed. Figuring the former drone had gotten tired and was regenerating, she stifled her disappointment and went to the mess hall alone.
Chapter 13
The last three hours of B'Elanna's duty shift found her swamped in paperwork. She had never figured out Starfleet's need to know every last detail in triplicate, or why the Captain insisted on following that particular protocol this far from headquarters. However, she had always taken her job as Chief Engineer very seriously, so she was diligent about every report.
Once she hit her quarters, she jumped into the sonic shower and ran through a quick cycle. After stepping out, she threw her dirty uniform into the recycler and padded into her bedroom naked. Brushing her hair she called out to the computer, asking if Seven was active. Upon the affirmative reply she queried for her location while choosing a loose tunic and pants that she found comfortable. When the computer answered that Seven was in Holodeck One, she froze.
A sharp pain whipped through her heart as she was reminded of all the times Tom had disregarded her for the holodeck, or his friends. She sat down on the edge of her bed, clothes in hand and tried to erase the feeling. She tried to tell herself that Seven wasn't Tom, that she was more considerate than that. However, her curiosity got the better of her and she found herself asking who else was present and what program was running.
Jealousy and rage warred with bitterness and sorrow when the cool tones of the computer told her that the Captain was with Seven, but would not report the program because of a privacy protocol. She knew she could bypass the security protocol if she wanted, but only in an emergency. Her curiosity wasn't enough of a reason to break the Captain's privilege. It didn't matter anyway. What could she do about it no matter what program they were involved in?
She got up and strode across her living room. Stopping at the replicator, she ordered a heavy Klingon ale. Downing it in one long draft, she set the glass down in the replicator and ordered another. Walking back over to her couch, she flopped down bonelessly. Drinking her ale, the thoughts and feelings raced through her at warp speed.
She had told Seven yesterday that she trusted her. She just didn't trust Janeway. She knew that Janeway was going to try and win the Borg's heart. Chakotay had told her as much even if she hadn't felt it herself. She knew more than Chakotay this time too. Would she be very likely to want to give up Seven heart if they made love? Not likely, she answered herself. As it was she was consumed by her desire to be with the woman. How much would it hurt to lose her if they had made love? More than she wanted to guess. As it was she was in tremendous pain not knowing where she stood.
If Janeway was really going to try to woo Seven, how could she even compete she wondered. The redhead had been there for Seven from day one. Had been there through every challenge, every misstep, and every joy. She had led the charge to rescue Seven from the Borg queen. She had stood toe-to-toe with Seven, somehow coaxed her back when her mind was overloaded by too much data and the blonde had believed in paranoid fantasies, willing to die to escape the pain.
B'Elanna stared into her now empty glass. The ale wasn't enough; she wanted to stop feeling so much. A blissful stupor is what she needed. She moved over to a compartment beside her replicator. In the back was a false wall where she hid a very old bottle of scotch and another bottle filled with bloodwine. Real alcohol was not allowed on 'Fleet ships, but almost everyone had a stash. Torres was very conservative about hers. She had never even let Tom know it existed. Pulling out the bottle of scotch, she moved back to the couch and poured herself four fingers into the glass.
Sipping the potent, gold liquid, she wondered how she could stand up against a living legend. Then it occurred to her to question if she even had the right. Seven had categorized Janeway's discarding her as a mistake; nothing more, nothing less. It was obvious to B'Elanna months ago that Janeway was Seven's first love. If that love was now returned, who was she to stand in the way?
If she did fight for Seven, how likely was she to win? Not very, she thought and snorted. How would she be able to live with the knowledge that she had been left, yet again, for something better, something easier? It seemed like no matter where in the universe she was, there was always a human ready to leave her for something. Staring into her empty glass, she wondered where her drink had gone. She reached across and grabbed the bottle.
~~~~~
The turbolift door opened on deck three and B'Elanna stepped out into the corridor. As she passed Chakotay's door heading towards Seven's quarters she heard a soft moan. Looking up from the floor, she was crushed by what she observed. There, in plain sight, stood the tall blonde and the Captain locked in a passionate embrace. The engineer froze, a weak cry escaping her chest.
"Told you half breed trash like you couldn't make it," Tom's voice broke through her pained haze. She spun and growled at him, despising his leering face, his smug superiority. She ran the few short steps between them, intending to claw his leering eyes out. When she reached him, her arms were caught in a vice like grip and she was spun away from him, yanked back into a fierce grip, her own arms trapped.
This was all wrong. Tom wasn't this strong. She looked down at his hands and they weren't human; they were grayish, pasty. Studying the uniformed arms restraining her, she could have sworn it was a Gul's uniform. She looked around and realized she was in the cargo hold of the Bolian freighter she had served on before joining the Maquis.
"Proud little Klingon," the voice she hadn't heard in so many years whispered in her ear. She was turned and found her self face to face with Gul Tancret.
She didn't bother with games this time, head-butting him right away. The scene from the past replayed itself, the Gul sprawling. Then she kicked his exposed head, yet this time his neck snapped like a twig. She turned away from his limp body only to face Seska.
"You should've taken him up on the offer. It's not as if trash like you will ever find love. At least you would know where you stood with him," Seska cackled.
Furious she ran at Seska, wrapping her hands around the traitor's neck while tackling her. B'Elanna was lost in full blown Klingon battle rage. She could barely hear herself howling over the pounding of the blood in her ears. She began picking up Seska's head by the neck and pounding it down into the deck plating over and over into she felt a sickening crunch and warm liquid spill over her fingertips.
Rough hands lifted her up from behind and she prepared for another attack only to be picked up in a bear hug. "Congratulations Cousin! You finally killed the weak fool!" It was her cousin K'Karn, and she was in her grandmother B'Kor's house on Qo'nos surrounded by her mother's relatives. She turned back to Seska's body, only to find it wasn't Seska. It was her fully human half, the one the Vidiians had created when they split her in two while they researched a cure for the phage. Looking down at her own hands covered in blood and gray matter, she felt weak.
When she looked up she saw her father across the room, standing in the door watching her with pained eyes. He lowered his head as a tear ran down his face, then turned and walked out the door.
"Father," she cried, bewildered by it all. She got up to run after him only to be caught by her grandfather Torg.
"You are a Klingon. Your place is here on Qo'nos" he yelled at her
"Look at her! She is no Klingon! She's still a weak little stripling!" Her uncle Kor sneered.
"Nonsense. She just needs a good Klingon meal," B'Kor said as she plunged a knife into the body's chest. Pulling apart the ribcage she tore the heart from its cavity and threw it onto a plate. Blood oozed off of every side of the plate as the gray-haired old woman thrust it at the hybrid. "Eat! It will make you strong."
Gagging, she staggered backwards into another body. She whirled around and was face to face with her mother. The older woman bared her teeth and shook her head. "nuch," her mother said simply, calling her a coward, then walked away.
"No!" B'Elanna screamed from the depths of her lungs. It was a howl of pain so loud, so aching that it actually woke her from her own terrifying dream. She only had a moment to realize she was on her couch in her quarters before the contents of her stomach demanded release. She propelled herself through her bedroom into the ensuite making it to the waste reclamation unit just in time.
After long minutes spent retching, and when her stomach was only producing dry heaves, she lay down on the floor of the bathroom crying. Miserably, she pushed herself off the floor, washed her face in the sink, and rinsed her mouth out. Calling for the lights to go off, she sealed her comm. badge for privacy then crawled into her bed. She balled herself into a fetal position in the middle of the bed and cried herself to sleep.
~~~~~
B'Elanna woke at 0600 hours the next morning feeling like she had been to Grethor and back. She had managed to sleep the night through by some small miracle, yet she was convinced something had crawled into her mouth and died while she slept. Blearily kicking off the covers, she managed to stumble into the ensuite and used the extra rations for a hot hydro-shower. After using every mouth cleanser she had, she felt marginally less disgusting.
Ambling over to the replicator, she programmed in a concoction that was both horribly offensive and noxious that she had learned from an old Maquis drinking buddy. She took a deep breath, then swallowed the entire contents of the glass in one long gulp. As obnoxious as the drink was, it was the best hangover cure short of a hypo that she had ever found.
Deciding she didn't feel like being alone in her quarters with her thoughts, she headed out to the mess hall. Once there she grabbed a raktajino and a stack of pancakes from the replicator and found a quiet table near the windows. Sipping her coffee and picking at her food, she didn't notice when Harry came up and stood in front of her table.
"B'Elanna?" Harry asked after a moment.
"Hey, Harry," she looked up and replied.
He took the seat in front of her and arranged his utensils. He observed her out of the corner of his eye while he was doing this. She didn't look like herself. She was slumped down in her chair picking at her barely eaten food and looked kind of pale. After several minutes of eating in silence, he finally got up some nerve. "Uh, I hope you don't mind me saying so, but… you look like hell today. What's up?"
"Gee thanks, Harry. It's nothing, I just have a lot on my mind." She answered quietly.
"Anything you want to talk about?" he asked gently.
"No. I just need to figure some things out. Don't worry about it." She answered with what she hoped was a firm voice.
"Oh. Okay." He replied softly. He hated seeing her upset, but he knew better than to try and drag it out of her. So he changed the subject. "How are the repairs of the Nguener ship going?"
It was an effective way to get her to perk up a little. He knew how much she loved new technology, and he had heard Chakotay tell the Captain that he thought B'Elanna was in love with the Nguener engine room. She told him how they had finished the repairs, and about the visit from the Nguener Head Engineer that was to take place later that morning. She lost him in a couple of parts of the conversation on cloaking devices, because cloaking theory wasn't his forte, but everything else was really informative. When he had finished his meal he thought she looked a little less distant, and maybe a little less pale, but he couldn't be sure.
Alpha shift was approaching, so the two of them recycled their plates and headed out to the turbolift together. She rode the lift with him, and he got off at the bridge before she headed down to engineering to start her day.
When she arrived, Carey and Seven were at her work console. Seeing Seven pained her, reminding her of the night before and her nightmare, yet her hearts still quivered at the woman's beauty. Both of them turned at her greeting, and Carey began to give the Gamma shift report.
Seven studied the brunette curiously while letting her eidetic memory store the other engineer's conversation. B'Elanna was decidedly different this morning, yet she could not ascertain why. She was pale and looked weary, and her characteristic spark seemed to be missing.
After the man finished his report, the hybrid sent him off for the day. He smiled, then said goodbye to both women. Once he left, B'Elanna felt the weight of Seven's examination. Turning to her, the half-Klingon tried desperately to come up with something to say, but Seven beat her to it.
"What is wrong, B'Elanna?" the Borg asked.
B'Elanna turned her head away quickly and sighed. It just figured that the blonde would notice, but she wasn't prepared to deal with it yet. "There's something on my mind, but I don't want to talk about it right now." The Borg looked concerned, but said nothing.
"Look, are you doing anything after Alpha shift is over?" B'Elanna asked and Seven shook her head. "Maybe I could drop by your place and we could talk?" the hybrid questioned very softly.
The soft, hurt tones of the half-Klingon were worrying Seven, and she wanted desperately to take the woman in her arms and chase the pain away. However she knew that she could not do that in the middle of engineering. So she put her hands behind her back to help resist the temptation and answered, "I will comply, B'Elanna."
"Thanks Annika," B'Elanna responded. An uncomfortable silence followed and finally the engineer broke it. "I really should get to work now. Truhan will be arriving in a half hour and I need to get ready."
"Of course," the Nordic beauty answered, dipping her head. "I will see you tonight."
~~~~~
B'Elanna's day went by slowly. The only time she wasn't obsessing over her meeting with Seven is when she took Truhan on a tour of Voyager's engine room. They thought that the Federation ship could adapt Nguener cloaking system and dilithium, yet it would require many parts and components that Voyager simply didn't have. Both engineers were going to talk to their leaders to see if a trade could be arranged. As hectic as his visit was, it only lasted a few hours. She could only distract her mind for so long with the data he provided.
The rest of the time she tortured herself with what would occur that evening. She had decided to tell Seven they couldn't be romantically involved. It wasn't exactly what she wanted, but she knew it was for the best. Eventually Seven would leave her for the Captain, and B'Elanna knew her heart couldn't take that kind of rejection. It would be better to end it now, before she got hurt. She felt that they could still save their friendship, since they had only been contemplating romance for about a week.
She just had to figure out a way to tell Seven without hurting her. It was too late for B'Elanna: she was already in too much pain.
~~~~~
Seven answered the chime by calling out "come." When the engineer came in the blonde's face lit up with a big smile. B'Elanna looked at her, absorbing the smile into her heart, before she felt a pang of remorse. It must have shown on her face, because the Borg was across the room in three long strides.
"B'Elanna, what is wrong?" the blonde asked, taking the hybrid's hand into her own and leading her to the couch.
The engineer laid her head in her hands and rubbed the bone ridges with her fingertips, trying to say things just right. "I've been thinking about things, Annika. So much has happened these last few months, so much has changed and it's all kind of caught up with me." She stopped and looked at the blonde. "One of the best changes has been getting to know you."
B'Elanna felt so afraid, but she had made her decision. She felt like she was about to start trembling so she got up and paced in the small are in front of the table. "I wasted so much time disliking you and being jealous of you. Then, once I opened my eyes and truly saw who you were you quickly became one of the best friends I've ever had. You are the best female friend I've ever had."
She stopped and knelt in front of the blonde, cupping the woman's face in her hand. "Then I felt attracted to you. Kahless knows, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever known. When I found you in the Jeffries tube a week ago, you were in so much pain, and I just wanted to fix it all, and I couldn't stop myself from kissing you. Then the Llannari attacked, and everything got confused. I think it all caught up with me when I saw you bleeding. Maybe it was my Klingon hormones overcoming my good sense."
"But now I know, I made a bad choice… we were never meant to be lovers. I think we should go back to being just friends before we ruin our friendship."
"You deceived me?" Annika asked plaintively.
"No!" the hybrid exclaimed. "I deceived myself. I was deluding myself thinking I could be what you want. When I saw how badly you were hurting that day, I just wanted to protect you with all I am. But I could never give you all you deserve, what you need. And if we try, I'm afraid I'll lose what I've come to cherish so much… your friendship." She looked down at her hands. "I've lost a lot of friends that way… once you cross that physical line, take things into the bedroom, relationships change. I'd rather have your friendship than the best sex in the world."
"I do not understand." Seven wouldn't look at the brunette. She was busy trying to control the cascade of emotions running rampant through her system. Tears were freely flowing down her face despite her best efforts not to let them fall.
"Look, I just can't be what you want. Maybe I'm just not ready for love; maybe I'll never be ready. I'm a much better friend than lover, Annika." B'Elanna tried to lay her hand on top of Seven's but the blonde pulled away quickly and moved to her window.
"This is painful," the Borg stated.
B'Elanna approached her slowly. This was hurting her so much more than she imagined it would. A part of her wanted to take it all back, forget everything she just said, but she knew it was better this way. She said softly, "What can I do?"
At first, the blonde made no reply. After a few moments B'Elanna realized her shoulders were shaking as she wept and Seven answered. "Just leave."
Whatever she had expected it wasn't this. "Are you sure you want to be alone?"
"Yes!" the Borg wailed. "Leave!" She commanded with a growl. The lip of the window under her left hand began to groan and bend.
B'Elanna jumped slightly, and backed off slowly. Sighing, she finally turned and head out of the quarters. As she reached the door she whispered. "I'm so sorry Annika." Then the doors closed behind her.
The blonde wiped her eyes, and walked over to the couch. Sitting down on the edge she stared at the rose that B'Elanna had given her just a few days ago. Reaching across and picking up the vase, she began to sing to herself.
"Just outside my window, I hear, the late September dogs… And I understand their warning… I understand their song."
~Finis~