Chapter 2 added on 27 May 2001
Disclaimers are in part 1.
Rating: PG13
Seven had spent the night in sickbay and then been given orders to regenerate for at least 18 hours. Janeway had practically dragged the drone out of sickbay, her concern for her injured comrade being her overriding thought. Eventually the EMH and the Captain convinced her that B'Elanna was now in safe hands and would make a full recovery.
Seven absently returned the greetings of her crewmates in the corridors and tubolift as she made her way to Cargobay 2.
As she programmed the required regeneration cycle her mind continued to dwell on their final moments in the desert. What had B'Elanna been about to tell her?
Why had there been such urgency in her words?
Despite the fact that she knew the ambient temperature was set at normal, Seven shivered. If Voyager hadn't rescued them when it did, B'Elanna would have undoubtedly have died.
She shut her eyes tight, trying to rid herself of the image of a world without B'Elanna. The thought bought an almost physical pain to her chest, making her gasp out loud. It was something that she could not, would not face. Though she knew that in life there were no guarantees, she vowed to make herself indispensable to the Klingon. She doubted that B'Elanna would ever consider her a suitable mate, but Seven knew that the engineer did value her friendship and Seven cherished this thought as she stepped into the alcove and closed her eyes.
B'Elanna blinked for a few moments, trying to orient herself. She was lying on a firm bed, the hum of monitors soft in the background. The ceiling above her was a bland pale colour and if she turned her head slightly she could make out the doctors office.
"Welcome back from the land of nod, Lieutenant."
The doctor's loud, cheerful greeting made her jump up startled and then groan as her aching muscles protested.
B'Elanna open her mouth to curse the doctor, but her throat was too dry. She settled for directing a filthy glare in his direction, which he ignored.
"Don't try to speak, just yet, Lieutenant. You're recovering from surgery."
She sank back down and raised her eyebrows in enquiry.
"Apart from a nasty gash and bruise on the back of your head, you also had 4 broken ribs, two of which had punctured your lungs." The doctor reeled off as he fussed with the monitors.
"However, I'm pleased to tell you that apart from a few aches and pains, you are as right as rain."
"Seven?" She forced the question out despite the pain.
He gave her a drink to help ease her sore throat.
"Like you, Seven suffered from exhaustion and dehydration. Since she hadn't regenerated almost a week, her energy levels were dangerously low." He noted that B'Elanna's heart rate increased as he spoke, he could actually see the fear on the Klingon s face and hastened to reassure her.
"But she's fine now." He added gently. " She spent the night here under observation, and now I've sent her off to regenerate. You're both fine. Try not to worry."
B'Elanna closed her eyes in relief. The doctor's words echoed those that she had said to Seven in the desert. Try not to worry. She smiled sourly, easier said than done.
She hadn't been able to express her love for Seven, she didn't know whether it would even be welcome. Seven had never shown any sign that she wanted more than friendship from B'Elanna.
B'Elanna was shaken from her thoughts by the Captain.
"B'Elanna, how are you feeling?" Concern and affection were evident in equal measures on the older woman's classical features as she leaned over her chief engineer.
"I feel like I've been hit by a shuttle, but apart from that, I guess I'll live," B'Elanna smiled ruefully. "And I'm sure I'll live a lot longer if I can get out of this place," she added with more optimism than she should rightly display.
Janeway couldn't help but smile, if the engineer was up to trying to get out of sickbay already, she was well on the mend.
"Not so fast, Lieutenant." The doctor interrupted. "You only get discharged if you stay away from engineering and rest for at least a week."
"A week! Come on, doc. You know that's not necessary. I'll be fine in a couple of days."
The EMH looked up from his readings, affronted. "Since when does the patient bargain with the doctor over recovery time? I'm a doctor not a salesman."
"Aww, come on doc? What do you say?" B'Elanna wheedled.
The doctor sighed in exasperation.
"Six days and you have to spend at least two in bed," he offered.
"Four days and I won't leave my quarters for one day," she quickly counter-offered.
"Done."
Janeway was aghast at the contract, she drew the doctor to one side to remonstrate with him.
The EMH smirked at his commanding officer.
"Actually, I would have been happy with just three days, but doing it this way makes B'Elanna think that she's got away with a good deal. This way, everyone's happy."
Janeway could only marvel at the doctor's ingenuity, she knew how hard it was to keep the active Klingon in one place. A sudden thought crossed her mind.
"You don't do this with all the crew do you?"
He smirked again. "Different strokes for different folks, Captain."
It had bee two weeks since B'Elanna had returned to duty and she had ensured that every moment not working in engineering was spent with Seven. She even volunteered to spend her down time help Seven with Astrometric surveys, which wasn't her favourite pastime. But she wanted, needed to be close to Seven. The bond that had formed on the planet strengthened, became almost a tangible link.
Most of the senior staff noticed the change between the two women, and Janeway in particular was glad of it. B'Elanna had been morose since the break up of her marriage and needed this new emotional attachment. And as for Seven, she was thrilled that the drone had taken the next step in her quest for full humanity.
Seven continued with her task in the jeffries tube, her mind on B'Elanna and the light and gentle kiss they shared a short while ago.
There had been no need for words, it had been so simple, so natural. B'Elanna had stroked her neck gently and clasped her nape, pulling the taller woman closer. They had leaned in to each other, B'Elanna standing on tiptoe to reach up and place a gossamer light kiss on her lips. It had been incredibly soft and sweet and Seven had wanted it to last forever. Her heart was still pounding from the emotional rush she felt at their contact.
In her wildest dreams, Seven never thought that the beautiful and vibrant Klingon could ever think of her as more than a friend but B'Elanna's actions allowed her hope to grow.
Seven didn't know how she was going to accomplish it, but she was going to show B'Elanna how much she adored her.
She was jogged out of her intent thoughts by the sound of approaching feet. The area of jeffries tube she was working on was directly above a corridor on deck 10. The open access hatch allowed her to both see and hear the conversation of the people below.
Janeway and Tom were so deep in conversation, they failed to notice the open hatch above their heads as they spoke.
"I think that it's just infatuation on B'Elanna's part. She been lonely, I know and I think that she's just jumping at the first person who shows a little interest in her." He wasn't really being malicious but he didn't closely examine why he felt distaste at the thought of B'Elanna and the beautiful Borg. Tom was emphatic in his rejection of a relationship between his ex-wife and the ex-drone.
But Janeway wasn't so sure, she looked at the helmsman, trying to gauge his mood. They had both seen the tenderness between the two women outside the cargobay, personally she thought that their relationship had transcended mere friendship and would probably flourish into true love if given enough time. But Tom's interference might damage the fragile emotions of both women.
"Tom, it's naturally hard for you to see B'Elanna find happiness with someone else, but really, you should be happy for her." The Captain tried for compassion.
"No, it's not that. It's not a case of if I can't have her, no-one else can. I'm really worried for her." Tom was being sincere, in his own way.
"We both know how passionate B'Elanna can be. I only ever experienced a fraction of her love, but, if she were to fall for Seven, I mean really and truly fall in love with her, she'll only wind up being terribly hurt." He ran his hands through his sandy hair, trying to explain.
"There is no way that Seven can deal with it. She can barely express any of her own emotions, let alone cope with the full force of Klingon passion. For all we know Seven is just trying to experiment with emotions or something."
Janeway shook her head decidedly. "Seven wouldn't do that to her."
He stopped and turned to face Janeway.
"We don't know that for sure. It will destroy B'Elanna if this doesn't work out, we've got to do something."
"No. We don't. This is no longer your concern, Tom." She gentled her tone to take away the sting. "I know you're concerned for B'Elanna. I'm concerned for both of them. Bur this is something that they have to work out together. On their own." She added as he opened his mouth to protest.
Tom stared at his Captain for a moment.
"Seven doesn't deserve her, she can't give B'Elanna the love that she truly needs. She's as cold as ice and doesn't even know what her heart is for." He shook his head as he walked away.
Janeway stared at the retreating back helmsman and sighed heavily.
"Why can't things ever be simple," she wondered out loud as she made her way to the turbolift.
Seven felt herself grow cold as she replayed the conversation in her mind. Over and over again the words reverberated in her head, She's as cold as ice, she doesn't know what her heart is for.
"I can make B'Elanna love me. I can show her how much she means to me.
Even as Seven said the words to herself, she doubted. It would kill her if she ever did anything to hurt the woman whose very existence was vital to her.
She tried to think, but panic, completely alien to her, was setting in.
She was a cold, emotionless drone, how could she ever hope to deserve the love of the incredibly alive Klingon. How could she even begin to show what she felt. Was Tom Paris right? Was it possible that she could destroy B'Elanna because she was incapable of expressing any real emotion. She instinctively knew that she would have to end their relationship before it went ant further.
The tool that she was holding clattered to the floor, unheeded as pain wracked her body. How could she learn to live without B'Elanna's love?
B'Elanna swore out loud, earning a few startled looks from her staff. It wasn't that they hadn't heard her swear before, far from it. But since she started taking meditation classes with Tuvok, the awesome temper of the Klingon had been pretty much held at bay. Today, however, was a little different. She was nervous and excited at the same time. Seven was coming to dinner tonight, it was the first chance that they'd had to be alone together since the kiss a few nights previous. The engineer had every intention of telling Seven how she felt, to complete the declaration that she had started in the Elgarian desert. B'Elanna wanted everything to be perfect, she had planned everything down to the last detail. The one thing she didn't expect was the warp core playing up. It was almost as if Voyager's engines knew something had replaced them in B'Elanna's heart. She laughed out loud at the absurdity of her thoughts and knuckled down to completing the repairs as quickly as possible.
B'Elanna checked the time as she entered her quarters, she had at least two hours before Seven was due. This gave her ample time to prepare a candlelit dinner. Just as she was about to change out of her uniform, the door chimed
She closed her eyes in annoyance, she hoped it wasn't Tom. He'd been acting a little strangely around her and she really didn't want a long debate with him, right now, about the possibility of reconciliation.
She was surprised to see Seven at the door, but a wide smile split her face. She didn't care that Seven was early, she was just so damn happy that she was there.
"Hey," she called gently, drawing the Borg into the room by the hand. "You're here."
Seven wondered if she was doing the right thing. She could clearly see the joy on B'Elanna's face caused by her simply being there. But could she reciprocate, how would SHE be able to show her love. She couldn't. She didn't know how. How long before B'Elanna's love withered and died, starved because her own emotionless Borg shell couldn't nurture it?
B'Elanna could read the uncertainty on the Borg's face even though it would be imperceptible to anyone else. Somehow, loving the drone gave the Klingon a special kind of insight.
"Seven, what's wrong?" She asked. B'Elanna knew that Seven was a little frightened of the feelings she was experiencing, but she would do everything to make it easy for her.
"I wished to discuss something important with you, B'Elanna." Seven began, a little stiltedly.
B'Elanna narrowed her eyes a little, where was this going?
"OK, why don't we sit," she gestured to the couch where they normally sat together when working or chilling out. She sat, expecting Seven to sit beside her. After a brief hesitation, Seven chose to sit in the easy chair instead.
B'Elanna frowned, something was really wrong.
"What did you want to talk about, Seven," she invited.
"I wanted to clarify the nature of our relationship." Seven stated baldly.
Talk about taking the bull by its horns, B'Elanna thought. No point in dressing it up, just tell her.
"I love you." B'Elanna stated clearly and simply.
"I feared that that would be your response. I …, I can not return your affection. I am sorry." She ended on a whisper.
For a second, B'Elanna thought that she was in some terrible nightmare. Her hearts began to pound with alarm.
"Seven, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overwhelm you or rush you or anything. I know it might be a little strange at first, but we can make it work." B'Elanna got up and knelt at Seven's side, holding her slim pale hands in her smaller brown one's.
Seven looked into B'Elanna's eyes and saw the love shining out of them. She snapped hers shut to block the image. She couldn't even do that. She pulled her hands away, knowing that the contact weakened her resolve.
"We can not make it work. I cannot. I do not feel the same way about you, B'Elanna." She lied. Even if her emotions and love for B'Elanna ran as deep as a black star, if she couldn't express them, they were nothing.
B'Elanna leaned back on her heels staring at Seven in shock.
Seven, I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes.
She wanted to say the words, she opened her mouth to say them, but something stopped her. She didn't know for sure if Seven did actually return her love. She had never given any hint, either in word or deed that she would welcome a change in their relationship and had never shown her anything more than friendship.
B'Elanna closed her eyes in despair. Had she been deluding herself all this time? So starved of affection that she had persuaded herself that Seven returned her love. She leaned forward and covered her face in her hands, feeling sick at the thought that Seven didn't love her.
Seven's heart broke at the pain and confusion on B'Elanna's face. Was she doing the right thing?
Almost against her will, she put her hand on B'Elanna's bowed head, stroking the dark hair, trying to offer some sort of comfort.
"B'Elanna, I have nothing to offer you, other than my friendship. I can neither laugh nor cry. I don't even know what my heart is for," she said bitterly, recalling Tom's words.
"I wish that things could be different, B'Elanna you are the best friend that I have ever had. I do not want to jeopardise what we have. You have opened your heart to me and given me your friendship. Please don't allow my deficient nature destroy that as well. I wish that I could love the way you truly deserve." The last bit she added as a whisper almost to herself.
B'Elanna looked up at Seven, her dark eyes awash with tears. She simply could not believe that her world was crashing around her like this. She could not understand how she could have made such a mistake. She had been willing to bet her life that Seven loved her dearly. But she didn't.
"I can't make you love me if you don't, Seven." She forced the words out, a huge lump in her throat making words difficult.
Seven clenched her fists, desperately trying to find a way of ending B'Elanna's pain.
"Please do not hate me, B'Elanna. I can't give you what you need," she pleaded desperately.
"I could never hate you." B'Elanna said the words quietly, unable to look at Seven.
There was a small silence as they both took in the enormity of what had just happened. Neither one could believe it.
Seven felt herself, her heart torn to shreds at what she had done. At the pain she had put B'Elanna through, at the love she was denying herself. But that thought was selfish, she could not accept, bask in B'Elanna's love without being able to offer the same in return. As much as it hurt right now, her decision was for the best.
B'Elanna sat on the floor, trying hard not to cry in front of Seven. She was stunned that Seven wasn't even willing to try.
She's out of reach.
Out of reach, so far,
I never had her heart,
Out of reach, couldn't see,
We were never meant to be.
The words came to her from nowhere, whispering in her mind, taunting her foolishness, for thinking that she could ever claim Seven's heart.
"Can I do anything for you?" Seven knew that the words were horribly inadequate, but she didn't know what else to say.
She shook her head silently, the only thing that she wanted, Seven couldn't or wouldn't give.
"B'Elanna, please tell me what to do." The pain in her heart grew and grew, how would she cope without B'Elanna.
"Seven, I'll be fine." She looked up at her one true love and lied through her teeth. She wouldn't be fine, not now, not ever.
Seven stood up uncertainly.
"Will I see you tomorrow? Will you … Can I …" Seven felt that she no longer had the right to ask.
"Seven, I'll see you in the morning, we'll have breakfast together as usual and we'll go to the staff meeting as usual. Everything's going to be ok. We've had problems before," she shrugged her shoulders, trying for nonchalance.
"This too will pass."
As Seven left her quarters, she took one last long look at B'Elanna, still sitting on the floor. Silently, she mouthed the words she felt she couldn't speak out loud.
I love you, B'Elanna.
B'Elanna Torres spent most of the night in the same spot. A jumble of thoughts and emotions crashing through her heart and her mind, tormenting her.
"Seven, I'm lost without you," she cried out into the night, the tears streaming down her face.
Maybe it would have better if they had never become friends, never become close. Fighting with Seven never hurt as much as loving her.
How could she go back to just being friends after the kiss that they had shared? She had spent hours just daydreaming about how soft and sweet Seven's lips were, of the warm breath on her face as she leaned up, of how the Borg had whimpered in pleasure at the contact.
Was it possible that she had been mistaken about Seven? Was she so desperate to love and be loved that she had seen in Seven something that wasn't there?
She thought about the incredible tenderness that she had shown while they were stuck in the Elgarian desert, how she had cared for her and tended her wounds. Seven didn't have a flirtatiously bone in her body, it just wasn't her way, but they way that she acted whenever they were together, it had to mean something. B'Elanna could see the truth shining out of those beautiful blue eyes.
She couldn't believe that Seven didn't love it. She wouldn't.
B'Elanna got up and took a shower, her mind racing, going over and over again, the devastating conversation that had taken place a few short hours ago.
Seven had never once said that she WAS NOT in love with her, only that it wouldn't work. Perhaps Seven thought she couldn't love. She had said that she didn't know what her heart was for. B'Elanna planned to show her.
A feeling of peace came over her as she made a decision. She knew that what they had was special if only she could make Seven see that. If only she could teach Seven to learn to love.
She stood for a moment, taking in the serenity and beauty of Seven while she regenerated. B'Elanna waited a few minutes and looked on as Seven opened her eyes as her regeneration cycle ended. Unerringly, she stared straight into B'Elanna's eyes, as if she knew that she was standing there, waiting for her.
The pain was there, in her eyes, fleeting, but it was there. B'Elanna could tell that Seven was hurting every bit as much as she hurt.
Seven swallowed hard. She had not been expecting to see B'Elanna so soon, and hadn't had time to prepare herself.
"B'Elanna." She greeted as she stepped down from the alcove.
"Good morning, Seven," the Klingon replied, smiling gently. "I know it's early but I brought a little present for you." She handed Seven a data padd, making sure that her fingers brushed and lingered on Seven's as the Borg took the padd. She smiled faintly as she felt her tremble slightly.
"There's something I want you to know. I love you, Seven. I will always love you and I won't stop until you admit that you love me to."
She raised her hand to stop Seven from replying.
"You don't have to say anything, not yet."
She gestured to the data padd in Seven's hand, "You should read that story to Naomi sometime."
Seven was still finding it hard to speak, she wasn't sure how to respond to B'Elanna's determination, so she looked at the padd instead.
"The Wizard of Oz?"
"Remember the Tinman."
"B'Elanna?"
B'Elanna smiled faintly as she walked away.
"He found he had what he thought he lacked."
The End
This story did not come out exactly how I planned it! I will probably write a sequel in a little while. Hope you enjoy, S
Remember the Tinman
There are locks on the doors and chains stretched across all the entries to the inside. There's a gate and a fence and bars to protect from only God knows what lurks outside.
Who stole your heart, left you with a space that no-one and nothing can fill.
Who stole your heart, who took it away, knowing that without it you can't live
Who took away the part so essential to the whole,
left you a hollow body, skin and bone.
What a robber, what a thief who stole your heart and the key
Who stole your heart, the smile from your face,
the innocence, the light from your eyes
Or did you give it away? And if so, then when and why?
Who took away the part so essential to the whole,
left you a hollow body, skin and bone.
What a robber, what a thief who stole your heart and the key
Now all sentiment is gone
Now you have you have no trust in no-one
Did you know but forget the method and moment in time
Was it a trickster using mirrors and sleight of hand?
A strong elixir or a potion that you drank?
Who hurt your heart, bruised it in a place, that no-one and nothing can heal
You've gone to wizards, princes and magic men
You've gone to witches, the good, the bad the indifferent
But still all sentiment is gone
But still you have you have no trust in no-one
If you can tear down the walls, throw your armour away
Remove all raodblocks, barricades
If you can forget there are bandits and dragons to slay
Don't forget that you defend an empty space
And remember the tinman
He found he has what the thought he lacked
Remember the tinman, go find your heart and take it back
Who stole your heart?
Maybe no-one can say
One day you will find it I pray.