Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended. This story includes same sex relationships between women. If you are offended by this or it is illegal where you live or you are underage then please read no further.
Code: T/7.
Rating: PG
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Summary: With the main writers of Voq Je Bang busy on Voyager's Eighth Season, a bleak feeling settles over the list. Posted after Googooplex's infamous 'slackers' comment.
First Officer's Log ......
18 Mar 2002
"First Officer's Log, Supplemental. It's been two weeks since we entered this desolate region of fanfiction writing. But if we want to write a Voyager Eighth Season we must cross it. In some ways this is the most difficult time for a mailing list, knowing each day will be just like the last, with no updates at all."
The briefing room of the USS Voq Je Bang (registration NC-17) is not a happy place. The moderators are absent from the head of the table and everyone else looks bored out of their skull.
"This won't be much of a briefing," B'Elanna Torres says dismissively. "There's nothing new to report."
"Humor me," Chakotay says, trying to maintain discipline and routine.
B'Elanna breathes a deep sigh. "Well, the ship's in great shape, the engines are operating at peak efficiency, and Seven and I are going stir-crazy. We haven't had any sex, romance, angst, or gratuitous humiliation of Tom Paris for ages."
"Ensign Kim?"
"Nada."
"Can you be more specific?" asks the first officer testily.
"Well, Weejee posted a revised chapter six of 'Truly Free', but that's it."
"Finally, some excitement!" says Paris sarcastically. "A revision!"
Seven glares at Tom, hoping a gratuitous humiliation scene involving the ensign would come up soon. "It was satisfactory. I enjoyed another chance to kiss Lieutenant Torres."
"I don't know," mutters Chakotay. "I'm a bit cautious of anything set in a place called 'Haven'. It brings up bad memories."
"Odon wrote a short piece," chimes in Neelix.
Seven of Nine gives him a cold look. "Turbofluffs are irrelevant."
"Look, I want to have sex with Seven!" says B'Elanna desperately. "We've still got several thousand assimilated positions to try out. What's with all these hotshot T/7 writers anyway?"
Neelix coughed. "Actually sir," he says to Chakotay. "That is an, uh, point of concern among the other mailing list members. Our main fanfic writers have been a little elusive lately."
"Yeah," says Paris. "Rumor has it they never leave their private chat group. They're locked up writing the Voyager Eighth Season."
"People take comfort in reading their updates," Neelix explains carefully. "When they see that B'Elanna and Seven are happy, they're happy."
Chakotay scowls at them. "Well in that case I suggest that people start writing and posting fanfics of their own if they've got complaints! They wanted this Season, or at least they didn't object to it. Now they're going to have to live with the consequences! Does everyone understand?"
They all reluctantly mutter their agreement.
"B'Elanna, Seven, try getting stuck in different parts of Voyager other than turbolifts. That might stimulate a few imaginations. Or see if you can modify the transporters to bring over your evil selves from the parallel universe or something."
"I will comply," says Seven, though she looks doubtful at their prospects.
Chakotay turns to the Doctor. "Next piece of business. Crew morale."
"Deteriorating, naturally, with no new fanfics to read. I recently had to treat Neelix for an anxiety attack."
"Anxiety's what I feel when I burn a pot roast," mutters the Talaxian. "This - this was more like."
"Dizziness? Nausea? Unspeakable dread?" Doc asks. Neelix gives a silent nod. "Brannonophobia - the fear of C/7. If it's any consolation, I can relate to it. The Powers That Be rewrote my program so I would fall in love with Seven of Nine in 'Someone to Watch Over Me'; then 'Human Error' comes along. I'll admit, it was unsettling at first - the existential horror of it all."
"You're not helping, Doctor," says Chakotay, holding his stomach. The Eighth Season was his last chance to become a proper first officer instead of the captain's lapdog. "Dismissed."
Things were no better in Janeway's cabin.
Captain Janeway stood in the half-light, staring out into the inky blackness of space. She had locked herself in her cabin for weeks, never coming out.
"Scans by the astrometrics sensors show there's no sign of any updated fanfics for light years," says Chakotay. "But if you like, I've got some holodeck rations saved up. I'm going on a tour of The World of Coffee, an ancient theme park on Earth. Want to join me?"
Janeway hardly even notices. "How did I end up like this, Chakotay? Answer me."
Chakotay looks awkward and shuffles his feet. "You were faced with a difficult choice. You could have slept with me or Seven or B'Elanna, but it meant the risk of compromising your position as a feminist icon, or jeopardizing Voyager's ratings with some gay scenes."
Janeway's shoulders sag. "Very same words I've been telling myself for the past seven years. But then I saw how they turned me into a bitter and unloved old woman in 'Endgame'.and I realised how empty those words sound."
"We brought Voyager out of its' poorly rating first three seasons!" says Chakotay earnestly. "We've entertained millions with thrilling science fiction every week! We've expanded the Star Trek franchise for a third successful spin-off!"
"At what cost?" replies Janeway, whirling on him. "'Fair Haven'? 'Human Error?' 'Spirit Folk'? I made an error in judgment, Chakotay. It was shortsighted and it was selfish and now all slash writers no matter what their sexual orientation are paying for my mistake! So if you don't mind, Commander, I'll pass on that little tour, and I'll leave the privilege of screwing Seven in your capable hands."
The Captain turns back to the window. "If the members of VJB ask about me.tell them the Captain sends her regards."
Chakotay leaves the captain's quarters, feeling more depressed than he had during his hopeless conflict against the Cardassians. The Eighth Season was their last hope.
THE END (or is it?)