The X Files

By Odon

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended. This story includes same sex relationships between women. If you are offended by this or it is illegal where you live or you are underage then please read no further.

Code: T/7.
Rating: NC17

Archiving and downloading sure as long as you credit the author.

Constructive feedback welcome.

Any feedback or other comments should be sent to oxmys@hotmail.com

Summary: Voq Je Bang writer X is notorious for two things: her spoofs, and getting the sex wrong of VJB members she puts in them! Clearly she must have mysterious powers in order to instantaneously change someone’s sex, a fact that in itself is ripe for spoofing! We therefore present to you the wacky craziness of….THE X FILES!

File 1,111,999

14 Jan 2002

Remember how X was the envy of us all when she attended the Washington DC convention and locked eyes with the beautiful Jeri Ryan herself?
"Nope, no kiss, no shake of the hand, just some eye contact and an exchange of "Thank you" and "You’re welcome" . I didn't go "Woah!" or "Wow!" or "Oh my God!", I just said "Thanks" and walked away with a huge smile on my face.
Mmmm. Does that seem…plausible to anyone? Isn’t it far more likely something like this happened?

X and Jeri at the DC Con

If there was one thing she didn’t like about being famous, it was the strain on her hand. Signing several thousand autographs in two hours, that had to be some kind of record.

Writing her signature on another glossy image of herself, Jeri Ryan smiled politely at the gushing response and turned to the next supplicant. It was just as well she was sitting down. This one was shorter than Kate Mulgrew!

Breathlessly the pint-sized fan slid a photograph across the table. "Can I ask you something, Ms Ryan?" she said in a New York accent.

"Yes?" replied the young actress, scribbling on the photo. After four years of Star Trek conventions she had a standard set of responses worked out for all the usual questions. What did you enjoy most about playing Seven of Nine? How do you get on with Kate Mulgrew? What did you think of them pairing you with Chakotay? Where do you see your career going from here?

"Can you say the word…spoof?"

"What?" said Jeri, looking up in surprise.

"Can you say the word ‘spoof’?"

"Spoof?" asked a puzzled Jeri. She knew she’d made a mistake when the vertically-challenged fan opposite her writhed in orgasm. Not another nutcase! Frantically she gave the prearranged signal.

A large security man who bore an uncanny resemblance to Prax in "Counterpoint" lumbered over and placed a heavy hand on the short woman’s shoulder. "Come on lady, you’ve got your autograph. Now take a walk!"

Without taking her eyes of Jeri’s beautiful features, X casually snapped her fingers…and the burly bodyguard changed sex instantly.

"AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed the bodyguard when he/she realised his/her balls were missing.

"It’s all right, I won’t harm you," said X, as Jeri’s stunning blue eyes widened fearfully. "I just wanted to say…jIH dok!"

"OH MY GOD! A T/7’ER!" the young actress cried, as five feet of lustful New Yorker leapt across the table and sunk sharp teeth into her pretty cheek. "Nutty Star Trek fans!" Jeri exclaimed, desperately trying to fight her off. "At least this won’t be happening on Boston Public! Help! Help! HeEEEEEEEEELLLLLLlp!!!"

That was another bizarre case...from the X Files.

THE END.