Part X added on 21 Dec 2001
Disclaimers are in part 1.
Rating: R
As she hurried down the corridor towards Torres' quarters, Janeway found her mind racing over events and, more importantly, her own actions. Things had got out-of-hand very rapidly. Suddenly the distance to her destination felt a lot longer and she tried to put perspective on what had occurred. She halted in front of the door as her mind whirled. Her behaviour had been motivated by her own selfish desires to establish an intimate relationship with Seven.
She reached down to press the entry chime but pulled her hand away suddenly, as if the control could burn her fingers. If she truly loved Seven, surely she would not wish to harm her or jeopardise her happiness, yet Janeway had been prepared to do just that to promote her own goal. Her conduct was certainly not worthy of a captain of Starfleet, let alone her own moral standards. Unfortunately, she had said and done things that would now take a great deal of explanation to restore the good faith and trust of both B'Elanna and Seven. Thinking over her recent actions, Janeway began to feel guilty and ashamed. Her behaviour had been deplorable. However, was the damage she had caused irreparable? No one had ever accused her of lacking courage. Squaring her shoulders and steeling herself for the task she was about to undertake, she glanced down to press the chime once again when the door hissed open and her resolve faltered.
Seven, dressed in an electric-blue bio-suit, raised her eyebrows in surprise as she came face to face with Janeway and halted her stride to avoid walking straight into her. The younger woman felt her stomach flip as she recalled the previous night's events but she clamped down on her temper and acknowledged the Captain's presence with a curt nod.
"Seven, I know you're angry with me and you have every right to be angry but I really do need to explain," Janeway rushed her words out but tried to keep her tone neutral and undemanding.
"I am on my way to visit B'Elanna in Sick Bay, I do not have time to listen to your explanation," retorted Seven coldly.
"Please, it won't take too much of your time. It's important." Janeway asked again.
Seven stared at the Captain while she considered. She so desperately wanted to see B'Elanna but felt vulnerable and, for some inexplicable reason, guilty over what had happened. If B'Elanna picked up on her mood, she could end up revealing last night's occurrence and trigger another seizure. She certainly did not want that to happen. Stepping to one side, she allowed Janeway to enter the Chief Engineer's quarters and followed her back into the living area.
Once the doors closed, Janeway spoke again. "What I did last night was unforgivable so I'm not asking you for absolution. I want to explain my actions, if I can, and maybe repair some of the damage I caused," she told the tall blonde woman. The captain began to pace as she searched her mind for the right words. This was more difficult than she thought it would be.
Sighing, she stopped and faced the Astrometrics officer once again, one hand resting on her hip as she used the other to gesture, animating her words. "Seven, I love you…"
"Captain," Seven interjected, her voice harsh with shock.
"Please, let me finish," retorted Janeway forcefully.
Rocked by the bluntness of her revelation, Seven complied and continued to listen, standing straight with her hands clasped behind her back in a familiar pose.
"I have loved you for a long time, Seven," Janeway started again. "I always believed it to be a maternal love. I've watched you develop and mature, find your humanity again and I hope that I've had some influence in that development. Somewhere along the way, my love turned into something altogether different. I wanted so much for you to return that love, so that we could build a relationship together as a couple." Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose as her mind raced to phrase the next part of her monologue. "When you entered into a relationship with Tom, I realised that you were starting to experience real feelings and wanted to explore your emotions. Your predicament with the cortical inhibitor made me understand how much more you had to unleash and, I thought selfishly, that I could be the person to guide you through your new feelings." Janeway began pacing again, her nerves returning. "When I discovered that B'Elanna had beaten me to it…"
"There was no race," objected Seven indignantly.
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," Janeway back-pedalled. She sighed, her shoulders dropping slightly. "It felt like a race to me, despite the fact B'Elanna was oblivious to it. You and B'Elanna have developed a relationship and I was jealous of it," she continued simply. "What I should be doing is supporting it, knowing how happy it's making you."
Seven nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet.
Janeway steeled herself and faced Seven squarely. "However, as your captain and as your friend, I feel it's my duty to voice my concerns too," she continued.
Seven's eyes darkened as she answered. "I will brook no interference from you, Captain," she told her flatly.
"I don't intend to interfere. I'm being honest with you. That's what friends are for. It's why I told you straight away that I love you. I am not trying to deceive or coerce you. I'm just trying to offer some guidance," Janeway explained earnestly, pacing again absently as she spoke.
Seven raised an eyebrow, the borg implant quirking high onto her forehead.
Janeway took it as a signal to continue. "All I want you to do is consider how this relationship developed. Up until a short while ago, you could barely tolerate each other's presence. B'Elanna's generosity in assisting you with the cortical inhibitor problem meant that you had no choice but to spend time together. Then, when things went wrong for B'Elanna, you felt guilty about the procedure affecting her that way. She would not be in this predicament if she had not volunteered to help you." Janeway paused before delivering the final punch. "I just don't want you mistaking your feelings of friendship and obligation for anything else."
"You told me to search my feelings last night, Captain," Seven reminded her curtly. "Right before you took advantage of my emotional state and kissed me."
Janeway flinched at the reminder but was determined to continue. "So have you considered your feelings?"
Seven paused, her eyes losing their focus momentarily before she answered. "I was somewhat distracted last night after our meeting. I slept for most of the night. However, I do not doubt my feelings." She pinned Janeway with her eyes. "I love her," she said simply. "I cannot put condition or qualification on it."
"And you're sure that she feels the same way about you?" continued the Captain, already reeling at the revelation.
"I know she does." Even as Seven stated her answer, she realised that it was the plain truth.
Janeway felt a crushing sensation in her chest but she stood up to the inner disappointment. She had lost Seven to B'Elanna but, when eventually the pain eased, she knew that she would feel glad for them both. "For some reason, I needed to hear that, Seven. Please believe me when I say that I am truly happy for you," Janeway smiled with genuine warmth toward her protégé.
Seven suddenly felt a weight being lifted from her. She had always wanted the respect of the Captain and despite last night's proceedings, sought her friendship. She had thought that it would be in serious jeopardy and had been disturbed by that. Now that her mentor had expressed approval of her relationship with B'Elanna, Seven felt that they could re-establish the trust they once shared and continue their amity. "Captain, I cannot forget what happened last night but I accept your explanation and apology," she pulled her lips into a rare smile. "I hope that our friendship can continue," she stated hesitantly.
"It will," assured Janeway. "And I hope that you can trust me enough to come to me if you have any problems at all, about anything," the Captain continued, qualifying her final statement lest Seven think that she was wishing her relationship with B'Elanna to fail.
Instinctively, the older woman closed the distance between them and enveloped Seven in a platonic hug. Relieved to have resolved this one problem, Seven returned the embrace somewhat awkwardly but was grateful nevertheless of its sentiment.
She looked up as the door opened and her smile intensified as she recognised B'Elanna at the entrance.
*
B'Elanna never made it over the threshold. The door had hissed open to reveal Seven in an embrace with the Captain. Even more alarming was the smile that was radiating from her. She had seen that smile before during some of their most intimate moments. Now, Seven was directing that same smile at Janeway.
Somehow, her mind told her not to react instantly as she would be in danger from another seizure. Instead, she turned abruptly and raced down the corridor, determined to get as much distance as possible from the scene before trying to come to terms with it. She headed for the only other safe haven she knew on Voyager; Engineering.
*
Seven was confused by the action and released herself from Janeway's grasp. She looked down the corridor but there was no sign of the engineer. She turned as she heard Janeway groan.
"Why did she behave like that, Kathryn?" Total bewilderment clouded the ex-drone's features.
"I told her about the kiss," Janeway explained, unwilling to reveal the whole truth concerning her behaviour.
Seven stiffened. "And now she has jumped to an incorrect assumption," she completed. "I must find her. She could suffer another seizure."
The Captain reacted instantly. "Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres," she barked.
"Lieutenant Torres is in Main Engineering."
"Let's go," Janeway stated and the two women strode purposely toward the nearest turbolift.
*
B'Elanna worked furiously at the console in her rarely used office. She needed to be alone to think things through, and if she knew Janeway and Seven, they wouldn't allow her that luxury. Fortunately, the task at hand was complicated enough to keep her mind from wandering back to the scene she had just witnessed. Part of her was fighting to suppress the emotions that threatened to consume her.
Her task finished, she wiped the evidence of her work from the computer before locking the console down with one of her toughest encryption codes. Satisfied with her handiwork, she left her office and headed towards an access panel.
Once inside the Jeffries tube, she sealed the hatch behind her. She knew that there were a number of staff in main Engineering that had seen her enter but she didn't care now. She knew every nook and cranny of the Jeffries tube system and was satisfied that she could hide herself away for as long as it needed and allow her mind to go over recent events. She scooted through quickly but halted when she heard her communicator pin chirp.
"Seven of Nine to Lieutenant Torres."
She ignored the hail and carried on, twisting through the junctions before scaling a ladder to change decks.
"Seven of Nine to Lieutenant Torres, please respond." Seven's voice sounded almost desperate but B'Elanna was determined to do her thinking in her own time. She wasn't ready to analyse her feelings yet and she certainly wasn't ready to deal with Seven. She took the brooch from her jacket and held it in her hand as she approached a junction.
"Computer, open all hatchways in Jeffries Tube 8," she ordered. She looked down as each hatch hissed open. Once satisfied that they were all open, she opened her hand and watched the gold pin cartwheel down the decks, hearing a faint clink as the metal finally hit the bottom of the shaft.
*
Seven frowned in frustration at the lack of response. She turned to Janeway who had finished questioning the engineering staff.
"Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres," the older woman requested again.
"Lieutenant Torres is in Jeffries Tube 8," was the unemotional reply.
Seven grabbed a tricorder and made a series of adjustments before speaking to Janeway. "I've configured this tricorder to locate her," she told the Captain. Janeway nodded and then indicated an access panel.
"Let's go," she told her.
*
After another series of twists and turns, B'Elanna finally made herself comfortable in one of the least used tubes. She had positioned herself right in the middle of the tube, equidistant from any access panel. Leaning back against the wall, she allowed herself to remember the events that she had witnessed in her quarters. With her memories came her feelings, amplified by Janeway's words spoken to her earlier in Sick Bay. The worst feeling was betrayal. She had laid her heart open to Seven but had been treated as another experiment for the drone who wanted to expand her humanity. The hurt she felt escalated as she tortured herself with the images and her own version of events.
*
Janeway stared at the gold communicator pin and swore under her breath. Seven reached out and palmed the device, squeezing it gently as if to somehow get closer to B'Elanna.
"She really doesn't want to be found, does she?" the Captain asked rhetorically.
"We have to find her, she could be in danger," protested the blonde woman.
Janeway nodded concurrence before tapping her own badge. "Janeway to Chakotay," she called.
"Chakotay here," came the disembodied reply.
Looking carefully at Seven, Janeway continued. "Chakotay, I need to locate B'Elanna. She's discarded her communicator badge. Can you do an internal sensor sweep for her?" she asked guardedly.
On the bridge, Chakotay opened his eyes slightly in surprise before nodding at Kim. The young Asian ensign hurriedly punched in a series of commands at the Ops console before looking up in confusion. "Commander, internal sensors are off-line," he informed the Native American.
"Well get them back on-line," retorted Chakotay. In his mind's eye, he could picture the Captain pacing agitatedly, wondering about the delay.
"I can't sir. A block has been put on them. The source originates from Engineering," Harry informed him.
Growling in frustration, Chakotay looked up instinctively as he raised the captain again. "Captain, there's a fault with the internal sensors. There's going to be a delay."
Janeway rolled her eyes at the news before looking at Seven. Seeing how distraught the former drone appeared, she spoke gently. "Come on Seven. Let's get back to Engineering. Maybe we can help repair the sensors," she suggested.
"I would rather continue to search the Jeffries tubes," protested the younger woman.
"There are miles of Jeffries tubes. It will take a long time to search them all thoroughly. At least look at the sensors and approximate how much time it's going to take to fix them. Then you can decide how best to spend your time," Janeway reasoned.
Seven nodded miserably, her hand clenched tightly round the comm. badge. She could feel it cutting into her skin but didn't care. The captain's argument was logical but she felt as though she was abandoning B'Elanna by delaying the search. Blinking back the water that was building up in her eyes, she followed Janeway back disconsolately.
*
B'Elanna watched her hands. She could see them tremor slightly through the wracking sobs she was shedding. The raven-haired woman instinctively knew that it was a sign. She was going into seizure. Bizarrely, she realised that she had no form of communication. No one would locate her. She was going to die alone one day after discovering the love of her life. She felt her body keel over from its sitting position but then oblivion washed over her as she went into paroxysm, her eyes fixed open in a visionless stare.
To be continued....