Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and all who sail in her belong to Paramount/Viacom and no infringement of copyright/trade marks is intended. This story includes same sex relationships between women. If you are offended by this or it is illegal where you live or you are underage then please read no further.
Code: T/7.
Rating: PG
Archiving: Please ask first.
Constructive feedback welcome.
Any feedback or other comments should be sent to mbeshear@swbell.net
Summary: Seven's cortical node is shutting down. This is a response to the memory loss challenge.
"Computer site to site transfer to sickbay," shouted Lt. Torres .....
11 Dec 2002
"Computer site to site transfer to sickbay." Shouted Lt. Torres. Materializing seconds later the EMH turned to see B'Elanna carrying an unconscious Seven of Nine over to the bio bed.
"What happened." he demanded hurrying over to run sensor scans on the prone woman.
"We were arguing and suddenly she grabbed her head and collapsed." concern and confusion warred for control in the klingon's voice.
The doctor's expression turned grim as he looked at his findings. "It is her cortical node."
"Captain Janeway I need you in sick bay immediately." the Doctor said into his com.
"Doctor I am on my way. What is the emergency?" the captain inquired anxiously.
"Seven's cortical node is failing. I need to discuss options immediately." The Doctor replied.
Hearing the news and knowing that his captain and friend cared for Seven like a daughter Tuvok followed. He also recalled the actions that she had committed the last time this occurred.
Shortly thereafter Janeway and Tuvok entered sickbay, walking slowly over Janeway brushed the hair back from Seven's forehead. "Doctor is there anything you can do."
"Captain I may be able to remove the node but it has a fail safe device. If I try to remove it, it will erase her synapses all her memories, her personality, and her individuality will be gone. She will essentially become an infant." that grim news almost broke Kathryn Janeway's heart wasn't that just a different kind of death.
"Captain." Tuvok spoke softly. "There is a way."
"Oh you know more about medicine than me now." the Doctor already highly upset became visibly irritated as his findings were questioned.
Ignoring the Doctor, Tuvok continued speaking to the Captain. " There is a Vulcan procedure known as the transfer of the katra a synaptic pattern displacement, or the transfer of one individual's consciousness into another. I can transfer her mind, her essence to another."
"Fine lets do it." the captain stated emphatically.
"There are risks captain. Her mind is not ordered like a Vulcan's is. It could literally drive the other person insane. I will not allow you to do the procedure it must be someone else preferably the same gender." Tuvok said firmly. Seeing that look come over her. "Your crew needs you to get them home."
A voice came from the corner. "I'll do it." the engineer stepped forward from the wall.
"B'Elanna what about Miral? She is just adjusting to your and Tom's divorce." the captain asked.
"I have too Captain it's my fault. Seven kept asking me about the divorce today and I blew up at her I said some terrible things. The Doctor said it activated her emotional suppressor and overloaded the node. My honor requires that I do whatever I can to fix it. Besides which I am too stubborn to let a little thing like this drive me insane." B'Elanna assured her.
"Whatever you are going to do you better do it quick I don't have much time." the EMH insisted.
With that Tuvok led the lieutenant over to the other bio bed. After she had arranged herself, He placed one hand on her face and the other on Seven's. He spoke softly in Vulcan for several minutes. When he finished speaking B'Elanna jerked once and faded out of consciousness.
"How long will it take Doctor." the captain asked as the EMH began the procedure.
"Several hours." the Doctor replied never once turning from his patient.
"Tuvok, how can we help B'Elanna?" Janeway's concern for the smaller woman evident on her face. "Should she be sedated?"
"No, only as a last resort the Katra could work its way loose or It could try to displace her. At all times she should be with someone. We should move her to the isolation area away from the doctor and Seven" Tuvok asserted firmly. At Janeway's nod, he carried the smaller woman to the other room and laid her down. As the Doctor struggled to save Seven's life, B'Elanna struggled to hold on to Seven's soul and to protect her own Sanity.
B'Elanna opened her eyes to a white room if it was a room there was no color anywhere to delineate walls, ceilings or even floor. Looking down she was garbed in drawstring white pants and a white tunic. Not knowing what else to do she began to walk, with nothing to mark the passage of time or the distance. After an interval that could have been an hour or a century, she saw a faint shape in the distance, as she came closer she saw a little blonde headed girl drawing.
"Hello" B'Elanna said as the little girl looked up she pushed her long hair behind her ear. The little girl just looked at the klingon not saying anything. B'Elanna crouched down by her. "What are you drawing." with that the little girl showed her. It was picture of Seven of Nine without facial features.
"Why didn't you draw her face?"
When the little girl spoke it was with Seven's voice. "It is irrelevant I am irrelevant." with that the little girl got up to walk away. Some how B'Elanna knew that if she let this little girl walk away that they would lose Seven forever. So she reached out and grabbed her shoulder. With that all hell broke lose as B'Elanna was sucked into the maelstrom of Seven's mind.
In sick bay all the two observers heard was a loud "Stop!" as B'Elanna began to convulse.
B'Elanna became a helpless spectator to Seven's most horrific memories. As they began to relive the Borg attack on the Raven. B'Elanna began to wail "No I don't want to go in there its dark. Don't Leave me!!!! Mommy Don't Leave!!!" She began to shake and cry silently as little Annika Hansen did in that cabinet so many years ago. As they relived her assimilation , a blood curdling scream shook the room. Many hours passed as B'Elanna lay there stiffly. B'Elanna just observed in morbid fascination Seven's life as a drone. As they walked side by side through the borg cube sometimes she would talk to Seven. "This is boring." B'Elanna would sigh.
"Boredom is irrelevant." Seven would reply. B'Elanna could feel through the link parts of Seven missed this life.
"Why do you miss this?"
"I had a function. I knew that I belonged. I was not alone." this was said with a cry. At that Seven's mind rushed forward to when she was severed from the collective. B'Elanna felt as she was ripped away from the only life that she had ever known and she also heard the echoing silence that Seven experienced where thousands of voice used to be. "Noooooo!!!" Echoed through the Chamber as Seven and B'Elanna experienced the isolation that had nearly driven her insane during her early months on Voyager.
B'Elanna experienced every overture that the drone had made to fit into to her new collective and how they were rebuffed. She saw her own actions through Seven's eyes and she was ashamed. The behavior that B'Elanna had interpreted as trying to prove Borg superiority was Seven's way of trying to make a space for herself. The reason that the former drone had continued to come to engineering was not in spite of the clashes but because these altercations were one of the few ways that she could genuinely interact with the crew. While her feelings were often injured, she preferred the abuse (some of the ways that B'Elanna had treated her could only be called that) to the isolation.
As the scene in B'Elanna's mind turned to One's death, this time She took Seven into her arms as the blonde cried for the loss of her son and comforted her. She felt Seven's confusion at her relationship with Janeway. The way that at times the captains role as her mentor conflicted with the other woman's need to lead the ship. She never quite knew where she stood as student or subordinate.
B'Elanna also realized the depth of Seven's fascination with her. This is what caused her to conduct a research of her romantic relationship with Tom. The Klingon's volatile emotions drew her like a moth to a flame. Seven did not have to try and guess what the other woman was feeling or thinking. It was a relief actually even though she did not truly understand why she made the other woman angry she at least knew she was angry with her. If she did not like what Seven was doing she would let her know and sometimes even explain why not often but sometimes. Seven had truly been happy when their relationship had become less adversarial. She did not understand why B'Elanna had married Tom a truly unworthy mate in Seven's opinion. She had spoke to the Doctor at length about the inadvisability of the match. He said that Love is sometimes blind and that she should try to be happy for the Engineer.
"B'Elanna" she explained as they walked through the corridor that looked like the passage way from sickbay but was in fact only a pathway in her mind. "When I heard about the pregnancy, I understood then." she paused as they walked into a door that should have been the turbo lift but lead back into sick bay. They picture before them was B'Elanna holding a newborn Miral. "You wanted a child and with the limited availability of mates you chose the best of those available. Still I thought that Vorik would have been a better choice but considering the once every seven years aspect it would probably not have been enough to satisfy your physical needs." With this the older woman held her sides laughing. "I do not understand." Seven looked puzzled at the laughter.
"That's not why I married Tom." B'Elanna stated.
"Why did you marry him?" the former drone looked at her completely perplexed.
"I was tired of being alone." B'Elanna said sadly.
"I understand." Seven said with empathy. "Why did you divorce?" Thinking back to really the surprisingly civil breakup, She knew Tom still loved her but they were better friends than lovers .He had always cared much more for her than she could for him. She loved him as a friend and had finally had to admit that to both of them. He was hurt but knew in his heart it was true.
"I realized I was still alone and it would have been wrong to keep trying when the feelings just weren't there."
As the replay of their last argument came through and all of the bitter words came flying back they just silently watched the meltdown. As B'Elanna turned from the scene to watch the woman beside her she saw tears flow from blue eyes. Looking into those eyes she realized that Seven was hurting so badly because she was hopelessly in love with her. As she opened her mouth to say something they heard Tuvok's voice and she felt a ripping sensation as Seven's presence was torn from her.
B'Elanna regained consciousness to see the captain looking down at her apprehensively. "B'Elanna how are you feeling." She asked.
At the question B'Elanna became aware of her condition. Her clothes were plastered to her body with sweat. Her head ached fiendishly. And her body felt like she had went ten rounds with a Hirojen. As she struggled to sit up, she rasped out. "I feel like I wrestled a targ and after he won he sat on me." The words were barely audible as they escaped her scream ravaged throat.
Moving over to steady the lieutenant, the Captain smiled with relief at hearing her chief engineer sound hoarse but rational. "Would you like some water." At the smaller woman's nod she handed her a glass.
After taking several swallows B'Elanna handed her back the glass, "How is Seven."
Janeway answered. "She is still unconscious and the Doctor expects her to remain that way for at least a day." she paused a moment to allow the words to process. "Tuvok says that when she does regain consciousness she will have to be helped to recall her memories, as the Katra reconnects synapses within her mind." as she finished the EMH came in to examine B'Elanna after he scanned her, he administer an analgesic and healed her throat. As the pain abruptly abated, B'Elanna swayed lightheaded for a moment.
Steadying her for a moment the Doctor spoke. "I would like to keep you in sick bay but since I know that's not going to happen I am just going to tell you. NO WORK. You are not to return to duty for 48 hours." at B'Elanna's look he pulled out a hypospray. "I can keep you here."
She grudgingly nodded. "Okay Doctor. When I do get back I am going to reprogram your subroutines and give you a better disposition." she growled her empty threat.
The Doctor continued as if she had not even spoken. "Mr. Paris has been calling to check on you. He has Miral and they are at his quarters."
"I really need to check on Miral, Doctor." shortly after saying this she was released and hurriedly went to check on her child.
Coming to Tom's quarters she buzzed and he opened the door. "Sh. She's asleep." as B'Elanna made her way through to the room that was her daughter's dominion when she stayed with her father. Tom's love for his daughter shown in the effort that he had put into the decor. Stepping through the door that was a solid mirror, you entered Wonderland. Her bed looked like a giant slipper and the table with her dolls and stuffed animals was perfect for tea parties. Many of the times that B'Elanna came to pick her up Tom would be folded up into one of the little chairs holding court with his daughter and her dolls. The walls were decorated with pictures of Miral as Alice. Tom face adorned the Mad Hatter. B'Elanna was the Cheshire Cat. There was a rocker where Tom would hold her while he read to her and in the seat was Peter Pan. She smiled as she thought it fit her ex-husband perfectly. It had actually been a moment when Tom was in that rocker in their quarters that she had realized that their marriage was doomed. Tom had been reading to an eight month old Miral. She had been smiling at them together still amazed at what a devoted father Tom was. When a stray thought had hit her, if I can't fall in love with him now I never will. She could like the friend, she could tolerate the charmer, she could even love the father of her child, but she was not in love with Tom Paris and truly never had been. That insight had shook her to the core. Pulling away from those memories she stepped over to the bed and smiled. As she leaned down and kissed her daughter, she could not regret what had brought her here. Tom stepped in and put a hand on her shoulder.
"She can stay tonight." pulling her gently to the living room. "Are you okay?" he asked concern evident in his voice.
"I'm exhausted but I'm okay." B'Elanna reassured him.
"Look why don't you go home and rest. I'll take care of Miral in the morning." Tom walked her to the door. As she hugged him. "Oh and be sure and shower." he jibed gently. She smacked him in the stomach and then walked back to her quarters. When got in she peeled off her uniform and headed to the shower. As she was showering the images and emotions she had experienced during the meld came back to her. She felt a curious ache at the absence of Seven's presence from her mind. She pondered Seven's feelings for her she thought how strange it is to be loved by two people and not to be able to return the feelings of either. Then it hit her like a bolt of lightning, She did reciprocate Seven's feelings. This realization caused her to slide down the stall until she was sitting with her back against the wall. She had never acknowledged these feelings because of her involvement with Tom and the fact that she had never even considered a relationship with a woman before. She sat there stunned. To just recognize that she loved a woman. A woman that she had known for six years and that she had not got along well with for most of them. A woman that in all honesty she had treated very badly. It was a long time before she got up off the floor and when she did she knew that she had to see Seven. Throwing on clothes she returned to sickbay not even speaking to the Doctor just giving him a look and walking into the room where Seven lay. She sat down in the chair beside her and took her hand in her own. When the doctor looked in B'Elanna was asleep with her head on their joined hands. For once in his existence he practiced discretion and left them.
B'Elanna woke a short time later and as she looked into the blonde's face her beautiful eyes opened.
Seven asked puzzled. "Where am I?"
"You're in sickbay." the klingon informed her gently.
Seven just looked more confused at the answer "Who are you? Who am I?" the last question was slightly panicked.
"I'm B'Elanna Torres and you are Annika Hansen. We call you Seven. You are going to be okay just rest ,your memory is going to return." B'Elanna stroked back her hair as she offered these assurances.
"Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." these words echoed in B'Elanna's memory of the little frightened girl that she had met in her mind.
"I won't. Neither of us is going to be alone." she squeezed Seven's hand as she drifted back off to sleep.
The End